Koy Roberts, Ph.D.

Hope you and your kids were able to decompress and recharge before the sprint to the end of the school year when STAAR testing takes center stage and Spring Fever is in the air.  We had a fun time and made some lasting memories.

Spread the word and ask everyone you know to tune in to AC360 tomorrow night at 9:00PM. The powerful documentary “The Bully Effect” premieres on CNN.  

National Eating Disorders Week is February 24th – March 2nd.  The Renfrew Center Foundation is asking all women and girls to forego make-up on Monday, February 25th.  The purpose is to raise awareness and promote a dialogue about healthy body image and inner beauty.  20% of girls ages 8 – 18 apparently associate unattractiveness with wearing no make – up.  This is a great way to get schools, girls groups, academic organizations and athletic teams to talk and raise awareness of the dangers of eating disorders and emphasize what’s important.  That self-esteem and confidence for a girl should never be linked with outward appearance.  Spread the word.

If so, that’s good news according to a recent study in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence.  As adults we often lament the time and attention teenagers give to their friends at the expense of their family or other responsibilities.  However, this research suggests there is a silver lining to this behavior after all.  Researchers discovered that adolescents who had caring friendships went on to develop a concern for others outside and beyond their immediate circle.  In short, they apply their empathy to others and go on to make a difference and leave a positive mark on the world.

Andrea Petersen’s Wall Street Journal article identifies parenting that works.  Our parenting brains have a negativity bias meaning we pay more attention to our kid’s bad behavior than their good.  If you want to be more effective disciplining your children and changing behavior you will praise and reward positive behavior 3 to 4 times more often than you admonish bad behavior.  It’s simple “Psychology 101”. Whatever we pay attention to we reinforce and amplify. Pay attention to the behavior you like and you’ll see more of it.

 Talking to Children About Violence: 

Tips for Parents and Teachers 

High profile acts of violence, particularly in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel in danger or worry that their friends or loved-ones are at risk. They will look to adults for information and guidance on how to react. Parents and school personnel can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security and talking with them about their fears. 

1. Reassure children that they are safe. Emphasize that schools are very safe. Validate their feelings. Explain that all feelings are okay when a tragedy occurs. Let children talk about their feelings, help put them into perspective, and assist them in expressing these feelings appropriately. 

2. Make time to talk. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. Be patient. Children and youth do not always talk about their feelings readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. Some children prefer writing, playing music, or doing an art project as an outlet. Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings. 

3. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate. 

• Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day. 

• Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools. 

• Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs. 

4. Review safety procedures. This should include procedures and safeguards at school and at home. Help children identify at least one adult at school and in the community to whom they go if they feel threatened or at risk. 

5. Observe children’s emotional state. Some children may not express their concerns verbally. Changes in behavior, appetite, and sleep patterns can indicate a child’s level of anxiety or discomfort. In most children, these symptoms will ease with reassurance and time. However, some children may be at risk for more intense reactions. Children who have had a past traumatic experience or personal loss, suffer from depression or other mental illness, or with special needs may be at greater risk for severe reactions than others. Seek the help of mental health professional if you are at all concerned. 

6. Limit television viewing of these events. Limit television viewing and be aware if the television is on in common areas. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Adults also need to be mindful of the content of conversations that they have with each other in front of children, even teenagers, and limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry comments that might be misunderstood. 

7. Maintain a normal routine. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promote physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed. 

Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children 

• Schools are safe places. School staff work with parents and public safety providers (local police and fire departments, emergency responders, hospitals, etc.) to keep you safe. 

• The school building is safe because … (cite specific school procedures). 

• We all play a role in the school safety. Be observant and let an adult know if you see or hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous or frightened. 

• There is a difference between reporting, tattling or gossiping. You can provide important information that may prevent harm either directly or anonymously by telling a trusted adult what you know or hear. 

• Don’t dwell on the worst possibilities. Although there is no absolute guarantee that something bad will never happen, it is important to understand the difference between the possibility of something happening and the probability that it will affect our school. 

• Senseless violence is hard for everyone to understand. Doing things that you enjoy, sticking to your normal routine, and being with friends and family help make us feel better and keep us from worrying about the event. 

• Sometimes people do bad things that hurt others. They may be unable to handle their anger, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or suffering from mental illness. Adults (parents, teachers, police officers, doctors, faith leaders) work very hard to get those people help and keep them from hurting others. It is important for all of us to know how to get help if we feel really upset or angry and to stay away from drugs and alcohol. 

• Stay away from guns and other weapons. Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun. Access to guns is one of the leading risk factors for deadly violence. 

• Violence is never a solution to personal problems. Students can be part of the positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control. 

NASP has additional information for parents and educators on school safety, violence prevention, children’s trauma reactions, and crisis response at www.nasponline.org. 

©2006, National Association of School Psychologists, 4340 East West Highway #402, Bethesda, MD 20814

Wisdom I hope to instill in my children as we head for the Holiday season.

In addition to homework, exercise, nutrition & extracurriculars are we neglecting an important pillar of our children’s wellness?  Previous research has suggested that children who get the most sleep tend to perform better on cognitive testing. A recent study led by Reut Gruber, director of the Attention Behavior and Sleep Lab at the Douglas Research Center in Quebec, Canada found that children who get more sleep exhibit significantly better behavior and coping abilities according to their teachers (who were not aware of the children’s sleeping patterns).  Turn off the electronics, keep a consistent bedtime, be a good role model and discuss the importance of sleep with your children.

There is often a disconnect in the lines of communication between parents and teachers.