Koy Roberts, Ph.D.

D.J. Gregory walks.  Even if you’ve never played golf watch this video.  You will be better for it.

According to a survey by Columbia University 85% of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart.  However, child psychology research has in recent years discovered that this form of praise fails to improve a child’s self-esteem.  In fact, praising a child’s smarts too often will likely lower self-esteem and cause a child to perform more poorly on academic tests and give up more easily.  Po Bronson wrote a seminal article for New York Magazine in February 2007 about this inverse power of praise.  From 1970 to 2000 there have been approximately 15,000 scholarly articles written on self-esteem. The leading proponent of self-esteem was asked by the Association for Psychological Science to review these studies.  The conclusions were shocking and the researcher called it the biggest disappointment of his career.  Self-esteem did not improve grades,  career achievement, or much of anything.  What has been discovered is that praising a kid for his or her intelligence communicates the message to “look smart and don’t risk making mistakes”.  Kids who think innate intelligence is the key to success discount the importance of effort.  Expending effort becomes stigmatized – proof positive they can’t hack it based on their natural gifts.  However, those children praised for their effort were not discouraged by failure and kept working hard which led to improved test scores and greater self-esteem. The lead researcher, Carol Dweck discovered that “Empasizing effort gives a child a variable they can control.  They come to see themselves as in control of their success.”  In repeated experiments, Dweck found this effect on every socioeconomic class and with both boys and girls at all ages.  In fact, the brightest of girls seemed to collapse the most following failure.  For praise to be effective it needs to be specific and genuine. Children just as adults can sniff out phony compliments.  Overpraised kids’ primary concern becomes one of “image maintenance”.  They give up easily and don’t persevere. Children praised in genuine and specific ways for their efforts develop both persistence and perseverance.  These children rebound strongly from failure and react by working harder and maintaining motivation through long periods of delayed gratification.

Saturday, October 10th is World Mental Health Day.  This day was established in 1992 to raise awareness about mental health issues and the importance of seeking professional help.  The World Health Organization predicts that in 20 years more people will be affected by depression than any other health problem. That’s certainly a prediction I hope does not come to pass.

As many know my Mom died on September 21st after four months in the hospital. I would like to thank you for your kindness, compassion, cards, thoughts and prayers during this time.  I consider the folks I see in my practice part of my extended family and your patience with me during this time means a great deal.  I realize the phone calls, paperwork, scheduling, or administration of my office may have not been as expedient over the past few months. So I want to thank you for understanding.

God bless.

Thankful my daughter & all the kids & teens I know survived their first week back at school.  It’s always a time of adjustment & if you’re anything like me this first week seemed really long.  My daughter was thrilled that today was Friday & she would have 2 days to play.  I didn’t have the heart to tell my little first grader that she had 9 months to go.  These first couple of weeks is always a perfect time for kids & parents to make a fresh start & do things better than we did the year before.  I really like these tips for their simplicity.  Listen…don’t fix.  Take the time to listen to your child each day without attempting to give advice, give a lecture, or fix their problem.  Just listen.  Be involved without smothering.  Don’t overextend yourself or your child.  Live more simply.  Make it a great year!

Many people still believe very young children are immune from depression because they are too emotionally immature.  I’ve done my best to educate folks that clinical depression is prevalent even amongst very young children.  Previous research suggests that depression is observed in approximately 2% of American preschoolers.  A newer study now points out that depression among children ages 3-6 can be chronic even over a period of two years.  I agree that the use of medication in children this young is risky and not well researched so should largely be avoided.  Instead a child needs a thorough assessment and active participation in psychotherapy individually and with his or her family.

Researchers suggest talking or texting while driving poses the exact same hazards as drinking and driving. Drivers using phones are reportedly four times more likely to cause an accident. We’ve got a lot of work to do to educate our teenagers and change their behavior as well as our own.

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

Listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s version. A profoundly simple yet powerful lesson to teach our children & live out in our own lives.

I know a lot of parents who need this.