Koy Roberts, Ph.D.

My daughter started Kindergarten last month.  I must admit the idea of 35 hours away from Mom and Dad at the local public school was daunting…for her parents.  Although I think it a bit ridiculous that 5 year olds go to school from 8am to 3pm each day – this is a perfect time of year to remind parents to let go and refrain from rescuing our little ones as well as our bigger ones.  We must remember our tasks as parents is to prepare our children for increasing independence and successful adulthood.  When we fail to let our kids fail we seriously undermine their ability to become good problem solvers and stress managers.  If our kids never are allowed to feel stress, told the word “no”, or suffer through negative or uncomfortable experiences they turn into emotionally crippled adults without coping skills or any ability to handle stress.  They come to believe that they never have to feel sad, disappointed, or stressed.  Mom and Dad are there to rescue and make sure they stay happy.  We live in a culture where parents erroneously believe that if they keep their child happy they will get a blue ribbon for Parent of the Year.  Any failure by their child is a failure for them.  CNN posted a good article that serves to remind us of our roles as we head into the school year.  I especially liked the quote by Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg.  “What we need to understand is that our job as parents is not to finish our kids or produce perfect kids. It’s to start our kids.” 
Just for the record I’ve only visited my daughter once at her new school during these first few weeks.  But who’s counting?

How much time each day does the average 6-12 year old spend on household chores?
a) 60 min
b) 45 min
c) 30 min
d) less than 30 min


If you chose more than half an hour, you’re wrong according to Sandra Hofferth, Director of the Maryland Population Research Center at the University of Maryland who studied 1,343 children for this project.  Children are spending a paltry 24 minutes a day doing chores which represents a 12% decline since 1997 and a 25% drop from 1981.  Dr. Hofferth suggests this reflects “important behavioral and values shifts that will affect lives for years to come.”  Frankly, I am surprised the number is not lower in this the age of entitled children.  Parents might argue that children are too burdened with academic, extra-curricular, athletics, and homework demands to be helpful around the house.  That I agree with.  However, the benefits of pitching in around the house go way beyond teaching the need for cleanliness or tidiness.  Children learn that neither the parents nor the hired housekeeper are here to serve them.  A family is a team and each member of the team must do his or her part for the family to run smoothly and effectively.  Additonally, participating in chores instills humility, self-discipline, empathy, stewardship, work ethic and responsibility far better than a book report, athletic event or school project ever could.  The benefits also pay off when these children reach adulthood.  Research suggests that 90% of women hoped to share housework and childcare with their spouses according to Kathleen Gerson, NYU sociology professor.  And after controlling for other factors, U.S. marriages tend to be more stable when men participate in domestic tasks.  Housework also instills a habit of serving others.  A professor at the University of Massachusetts, Alice Rossi, found doing household chores as a child was a major, independent predictor of whether a person chose to do volunteer or community work as an adult. 

What better way to teach a child that it’s not about you?   

Whatever happened to summer camp being a time for children to develop and cultivate independence and resilience?  This piece by Tina Kelley is astounding because of its absurdity. 
It’s come to this?  Camps are now forced to hire parent liaisons to act like a hotel concierge service in order to keep parents happy.

We can learn an awful lot about how to be a great parent or better yet a better human being from Randy Pausch. He died July 25 at age 47 leaving behind his wife and 3 young children.  Listening to his lecture or reading his book has changed the priorities and the lives of many parents.

Whether you have friends or family touched by this condition or not you will learn what it’s like to live with Bipolar.  These amazing, personal, first-hand accounts can be heard here.

Why is it that some kids grow up to be successful, fulfilled adults in challenging careers and healthy relationships while other kids from similar backgrounds and academic performance struggle mightily as adults?  A family or a school that focuses solely upon an academic education produces children who are ill-equipped for the future.  We must do much more than feed the mind.  An emerging new field called Social and Emotional Learning synthesizes the nature of biology, emotions, and intelligence and their relation to happiness and success.  A child who has been provided with significant social and emotional learning will find that their emotional intelligence (or EQ) is strengthened, giving a child a big advantage in their personal and professional lives according to Robin Stern, Ph.D., writing for the NYU Child Study Center.  Emotional intelligence is not a new concept but only recently have researchers studied social and emotional learning, the process by which one aquires a higher EQ.  Studies show that EQ is the best predictor of a child’s future achievement.  It is a better predictor of success than IQ and technical skills combined.  Daniel Goleman, the leading expert in this field, wrote a landmark book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ, in 1995 which I highly recommend.  His research indicates that “IQ is only a minor predictor of success in life, while emotional and social skills are far better predictors of success and well-being than academic intelligence.”  I am afraid many of us as parents, educators, administrators, and community leaders neglect or are simply unaware of these important findings.  I want to do my part in this community by teaching, training, and equipping kids and teens with these important emotional and social skills Goleman writes about.  Let’s all do a re-boot and focus on what matters most rather than being sucked into the ever-increasing competition of academics where only grades and academic intelligence matter.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention says that “risky” teen behaviors have reached record lows.  The CDC surveyed 14,000 Ninth to 12th-graders which it does every two years since 1991.  In 2007 smoking tobacco or marijuana, not wearing seat belts, and being sexually active neared or reached record lows.  The numbers were especially encouraging when it comes to sex. For black adolescents the percentage who’d ever had sex dropped from 82% in 1991 to 66% in 2007.  For white teenagers the percentage dropped from 50% in 1991 to 44% in 2007.  For Hispanics the drop was one percentage point from 53% to 52%.  While we consistently get bombarded with all the bad news about adolescence its encouraging to note that many parents, schools, and assorted agencies are making a difference. 

I plan to do a lot more dancing before the clock strikes midnight!  Great song from my favorite singer/songwriter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLYxtuC0oRk

One of the most damaging experiences of adolescence is what psychologists term relational victimization or simply ‘social bullying’.  While most schools profess to have a zero tolerance policy toward physical bullying many are failing to address social bullying.  Granted this type of bullying is considerably more difficult to pinpoint and detect.  With the explosion of technology, high-tech gadgets, instant messaging, text messaging, and social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook bullying has evolved into an almost entirely different phenomena than did even a generation ago.  Social Bullying rather than threatening a child with physical violence is intended to target a child’s social status or relationships by shunning them, excluding them from social activities or spreading rumors about them.  In a recently published research study a link between social bullying and clincial anxiety and depression in young adulthood was discovered.  So rather than considering these events of adolescence as normal rites of passage it is important for all of us to recognize that children and teens carry these experiences with them into adulthood.  Right now there are few intervention or prevention programs established to address this so it is up to all of us to recognize this serious problem and prevent it from happening to the children and teens in our lives.

Rumored to be more widely prescribed in Europe than Prozac, SAMe is a dietary supplement marketed for improving mood, relieving arthritis and even helping some types of liver disease.  S-Adenosyl-L-Methionine occurs naturally in the body.  It is made from the amino acid, methionine, and is believed to be involved in many important biochemical processes in the body.  Scientists say its an antioxidant, an anti-inflammatory and even helps in the production of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.  A review published in 2002 by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found evidence that supported the use of SAMe for depression, arthritis, and liver disease.  Evidently there are several other smaller published studies that have also provided evidence for SAMe.  In fact, a 30-patient study, from Harvard Medical School, found SAMe helped some severely depressed patients who did not respond to traditional medications.  I have observed SAMe to be effective in improving mood and milder cases of depression in several adults that I have recommended it to.  Some people continue to have mental roadblocks or feel a stigma about using prescription anti-depressants.  For those folks and for those looking for a ‘natural’ supplement to improve mood this could be an effective alternative.  SAMe can be purchased at most local drugstores but can be somewhat expensive and not generally covered by insurance.